I posted, edited and deleted this post so many times!
More than 10! What should I say...? Umm... Most of the posts were long so I
deleted them again and again and I'll just get to the point... You don't have to
come online and you don't have to try so hard to love me... It's okay....
Woah... Short post.... This was so long at first... Okay don't wanna take up
your time! Bye! Hope you'll feel better soon ^_^
merged: 04-23-2008 ~ 06:23pm
Quote by vatican92
Elizabeth sorry
I cannot stay long once again
Im trying to drop by at least for a short while though
Umm it's okay even if it's long Elizabeth
Although I may not reply to everything, I'll read it
I'm not trying that hard Elizabeth
Because you just make me love you even when I'm feeling down
I havent changed a lot but I suppose I am changing little by little
I am scared that this will last long.....
It's really.... scary and painful not being able to really stir up any
emotion
I feel like I am somebody else... or I feel that I am not alive from time to
time.....
Anyway.... I hope you are safe.... and feeling well
See you soon Elizabeth
.... I'm sure not feeling yourself is a normal thing... I never feel myself....
But the reason I don't feel myself is probably different from yours but I don't
feel myself cause I lie a lot... And you can lie to yourself... Sometimes you
lie so much you think it's real... I guess I tell myself after that, that it was
all a lie but lies become real when you lie for a long time... God gives... And
he takes ^_^ God can't be perfect... God won't be perfect... God isn't
perfect... If you asked him if you should die for someone... If god said yes, it
would be foolish won't it? Because if you die for someone... That person you
died for is going to live in misery for the rest of his/her life... And the
people who love you would be miserable, pitiful and sad... But if god said no
that would be foolish too because you're being selfish to let that person die
and only care about yourself... But you can't say that either... Nothing is
right or wrong.. The devil isn't bad... God isn't good... I don't believe in
such things... Humans were the ones who make right and wrong... Humans made
time.... What's 1am and what's 3pm is made by humans... And the definition of
right and wrong were made by humans too... I don't know if I'm right or wrong,
we make our own right and wrong... Everyone thinks differently... There's a
thing as alike but there isn't the same...
I'm making no sense! Eeek!
Isn't scary and painful an emotion? haha! You're
really cute you know that? I just feel like pinching your cheeks!
merged: 04-29-2008 ~ 08:03pm
Like my teacher says! "There isn't right or wrong, only differences"
^_^ So... You believe in god! And I don't
Anyway! The can opener agrees with me! It's a girls thing, you know the thing
that you use to open soda that metal small piece thing... That can opener
thingymebob...
I can't tell happy from sad sometimes... In fact I seriously cannot tell the
truth from a lie
It's just the same... Trusting... Is a stupid thing to do... I don't remember
the last time I kept my guard down... Even when I'm asleep, one little sound and
I'll wake up.... Keeping your guard down is foolish... You can't trust anyone...
because everyone is lying...
yeah I guess that type of feeling of not feeling yourself and all the stuff is
new to you but you'll get used to it... We're born on... Something like ice....
If you don't want the ice beneath your feet to break... Then don't put your
guard down.... Never... Do something as foolish at that... Like what I love to
say! "At first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence of trying and don't
let them know you care" I would rather die a thousand times.... Then let
the ice beneath my feet, be stained in a drop of shame... In life, everyone is
your enemy...
Oh you missed me? Yeah sure! That lie is so old! I won't ever, think that you
actually love me ever again... Emotions.... Are one of the heavy objects you're
carrying... I've learnt to throw away my emotions one by one... Hopes....
Happiness.... Trust... Love.... They are all heavy objects that break the
ice.... I will never... Ever let the ice under my feet break.... So... I don't
see what's so bad about losing the ability to feel.... Weird humans...
merged: 05-13-2008 ~ 07:16pm
It's okay... You don't have to come online if you can't
Hnn... I knew I shouldn't have sent you a PM on my phone.... I forgot to check
the spelling... Ugh... Well at least it was a PM then no one would think I have
bad spelling! Because I do not! It's like when you type me it become of and
of is me and uuaahhh!
I'm still here,just that after my exams i stopped coming
when i decided to come back,finals were coming.................
well,i am here now!
won't be regular,though
now i am in 7 grade and we have the biggest class in the school
after my exams i went for a holiday with my mother to our hometown......
well,thats all
take care!
bye!
A question.... A slightly serious one.... If the devil could kill god.... He
asked you wether he should kill god or me.... And he said he would let you pick
who you want to live but you have to pick either god or me to get killed.... Who
would you pick to die? Act like the devil can destroy god okay? :P And you can't
say none or yourself or both or whatever! Have to say either go or
Elizabeth..... Answer me truthfully.... I don't care if the truth hurts.... Just
no more lies....
Oooo! AND! ^_^ I finished recording Aozora! I'm starting to make the video for
your birthday now! ^_^ Though.... I have to say... Although I'm not much of a love romance story type.... I'm actually better
with drawing, writing love stories, singing love songs, making videos about
romance(I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT! Stupid god...) I tend to like love songs because
almost all songs are love songs I guess.... NYA! I suck at making videos that
aren't supposed to be depressing!
I BLAME YOU! A-A.... Again...? Yeah! AGAIN! Why can't you be my husband! Hmpf!
It'll be easier to make a video about you then stupid! Baka! Idiot! Sha gua!
Babo? o_O Umm... Umm.... HOW DO YOU SAY IDIOT IN SWEDISH!?!?! I knew I should
have asked for that swedish classmate of mine's phone number! AHHH! I BLAME
YOU!
Oh! Yes ^_^ By the way... could you listen to this song that I like? ^_^ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQVf1OpFL4
Okay fine! Maybe I kinda just like the video then I liked the song! But hey!
Can't blame me for liking love stories! Nya! I'm a GIRL aren't I? XP That's what
girls do! Hehe! I started dating when I was 7! Hehe! What do you expect! Nya!
But all the ex boyfriends are boring! KYAA! I FELL ON MY HEAD TODAY! I BLAME
YOU! Hmpf! I don't love you anymore!(That's what I always say when I don't get
it my way! Nya! I'm 11!) Juchanjuchan! YOU KNOW! I have to sing in this stupid
church choir for the school! Nya! But since I get to have solo parts! SURE! I
have to sing some song called "I vow to thee my country" or something
for praying at the church for the people who died at war or some stupid god
stuff.... Then I have to sing solo parts for some weird old song called
"Where have all the flowers god" yep! I think that's it! Got a concert
at the end of the year! ^_^ I'm going to do dancing and singing.... What should
I dance to? And don't give me something like a stupid song called "All hale
god" or whatever cause like I'm dancing hip hop or whatever you call it!
It's all the SAME! You know... I looked at the mirror today and..... I so...
so... so do not look 11..... I have 4 piercing in each year! I have purple
highlights in my hair! I dress like... Like.... Well.... To put it in a good
way.... I guess I kinda dress like some punk kid.... Hnn.... Whatever.... You
know.... Everyone said that my school uniform looks like a nurse, a maid... Or a
prostitute...
Pretty insulted to be called a nurse.... Feel low to be called a maid.... And a
prostitute is just... Woah.... Ummm..... Right...
We have another girl's school uniform but it's below my knee and it makes me
look like a goody two shoes!
I'm already called a nerd because of my overly intelligent brain!
That's why I never study cause the dumber I get the better XP But yet again....
The dress that makes me look like a nurse/maid/prostitute is bad too....
And..... A MAID?!?! I LOST MY DIGNITY! And... And... A NURSE?!?! I FEEL ASHAMED!
And... Most of all.... A... A PROSTITUTE!?!?! AHHH! I think being called
perverted would be better....
Ugh.... My dignity just went down the drain.... So.... Ju-chan... Should I wear
the dress that makes me look like a maid/nurse/prostitue(Hah! This reminds me of
the perverted anime shows where the maid and nurses always attract perverted
guys like you idiot) or should I wear the blouse and skirt that makes me look
like a goody two shoes?
I live in an area called Cainta, Rizal
Subic? I didnt know people lived there
I thought Subic was a tourist spot
I've already been there and was fantastic...... although I am terribly afraid of
insects and sea creatures there
And there were lots of monkeys on the beach..... so that was scary
Well yeah..... But if I dont copy, I cant draw anything at all.....
and I'm not joking
Well I guess we all have to try harder to improve
ooh... cainta. tch, so far, i can't go there...
i thought you live in there because most of the korean tourists who decided to
stay here stays there
i haven't been there, i'm envious, joke!
it's really okay to copy, we're just beginners ^_^
it doesn't matter if it's your original or not. what matters most for me is you
did your best to do it ^_^
Quote by vatican92Eli-chan......
I cant stay for long so I'll reply ASAP
School started today and we already have projects and exams tomorrow........
Aaahhhh! Cant wait for summer break......
Please stay safe Elizabeth......
And always remember that I love you
Oh... You love me now is it...? Why don't you run to god and be friends with him then...? I
don't know... Marry god's daughter..... Pity.... I nearly could have died
today.... Climbed onto the school roof and I was going to slide down and fall
but a teacher saw me before I did it and I got a stupid lecture about bla bla
bla and he asked me a bunch of stupid questions that make me want to get out of
this stupid human world even earlier.... If I could say two words to god I would
say "You've won" Because he really did..... He won.... He managed to
make my life a living hell.... I hope he's happy... And.... If you go on god's
side and not mine.... I promise from the bottom of my heart... I swear... I'll
definitely... Absolutely.... Kill myself in two seconds flat.... Or if I'm lucky
I could just cut my throat and die in about... A second or so? I hate myself for
liking you so much.... Ironic.... You were supposed to make me happier.... But
hey.... I'd say the same words to you too.. "You've won" Now I
know.... That I will never be number one to anyone.... Never was.... You might
say that no one can be perfect.... God is much more kinder then me I know.....
he so called sacrificed his so called child for humans and I'm so selfish that I
don't die for my people.... But if you think about it.... I am dying to make
this world a better place.... To make this cell I'm locked up in go away so that
everyone can rejoice because the god hater is gone..... God may have felt a lot
of pain... He may have done this and that.... But look at him now... He's so
great..... He's so great that my mother can call me hell's child for saying god
wasn't real.... He's won by a long shot.... No matter how hard I try.... I will
never be first to you right...? Even if I died a hundred times.... Even if I
lived my hellish life over and over again.... I can never ever come first to you
right...? I can never be even close to how much you love god.... But I thank
you.... Because I've won this cell.... I broke through her stupid smile and this
cell and breaking apart bit.... by bit... Don't say "I can never make you
happy" or "No mortal can ever surpass god" "God has always
been there for you you've just not noticed" But.... Ju-chan... You know
when you get cut? The first cut hurts... The second hurts more.... The third one
becomes numb... The fourth cut starts to feel like just an ant bite.... The
fifth one starts to feel like nothing... And the sixth one and more just feels
so normal.... Like an everyday thing....Lilwolfmaiden and I.... I'm sure... That
if you took our place in life.... Even if I'm just a small girl and you claim
that teenage life is cruel.... I promise you... That if you took our place.....
You'd hate god in 1 minute.... "I hate you" "You're a
mistake" "Don't you dare tell them the truth" "Why am I your
mother?! If only! If only you weren't here!" "I hate you!"
"Go to hell!" "Please just leave me alone" "You disgust
me" "Your sister could have done way more better "It's all your
fault" We've heard those words... So many times that it doesn't hurt so
much anymore..... Ju-chan..... For me to even.... Not hate god.... is...... Like
you asking me to go back in time..... I'm sorry but.... I think.... I ran out of
masks..... If I smiled one more time..... I'm going to crack.... I'm just taking
my sadness out on you.... Sorry.... It's not your fault really.... It's not
god's fault either.... Everyone takes me as the happy girl that never cries.....
But.... I can't take it anymore... Sorry... Gotta stop here! ^_^ Talk to you
anymore and I think I'm gonna flood the house! I've almost covered the whole
keyboard with my tears so not surprised if I cause a flood!
Hmm...I actually don't think the job of students is to be academically
recognized...but I guess a lot of students do push for that...
Lol. Yeah. My school does too...(in my opinion) And I actually think they do a
pretty good job of organizing all the midterms and finals...however, it's still
stressful. -.-'
Ja ne!
~Nissa~
Well no you are not obliged to get recognized but it's your aim
Or at least learn something useful that they might use in the future
My school isnt organized at all for the finals
You have to work out the schedule if there's an overlap in the exam and there's
so much spare time between exams and sometimes they just cram all the hard exams
in one day and put all the easy ones in another
Well c ya
Yes, true.
Oh that sucks... My school's really organized then...on final's week, there's no
classes and there's two tests per day (Mon through Fri). It's organized by
subject and they assign which classes take it where (in the dining hall or the
indoor tennis courts--losts of space).
I'm so tired right now. -.-' *yawns* It's not even late...-.-'
Why thank you
But maybe it's a coincidence but I live in the Philippines
It's been a year since I've last been to Korea
I left Korea when I was........ 5 or 6..... I dont even remember....
Thank you but I find my works very..... simple
All I do is copy and that's not my own work
I want to draw something of my own one day.......
WHAT?!?!? you live here? you ARE here? where? manila? subic?
hm.. about your works, it's okay if you copy it, i mean, everyone who wants to
draw starts from copying *including tracing*. i too started from that,
unfortunately, until now i'm still copying and my works did not improve a
bitT_T. sigh... will i ever learn? LOL
Hi Vatican! Just spamming your guestbook to wish you happy holidays ^^ I hope
you'll have a good time.
Don't eat too many chocolate, okay?
Well, see ya around~
Quote by vatican92
Stupid in Korean?...... it's babo.....
You are born talented Elizabeth.... and you are very gifted in a lot of ways
Do you like dancing?.....
Hmm I see.... that's still long
I got a haircut too.... a week ago...
Is your hair originally that way?
No Elizabeth.....
Why must you always hurt yourself?
I never understand why...
Well one day you're going to regret wearing high heels Elizabeth......
I feel fine wearing flat shoes
Id feel weird wearing high heels since I see women stumble every few
steps
Well umm.... okay...
What you wear is your choice.... as long as it doesnt hurt you or.....
something.....
I dont understand that either
Why would anybody want to be a teenager?
I'm glad that I only have like.... 3 or 4 more years until I escape from
teenagehood......
But then again..... I hate being an adult just as much.......
I guess I'm going to hate myself for the rest of my life.....
Being a teenager doesnt mean that you're going to grow taller you know
You probably will but there are more horrifying side effects
So much drama and agony...... oh the wretched fiend.... of teenagehood
Why must you devor my hope and spit it out.....
I would love to be a kid....... Forever and ever
What was that called..... Nevereverland? or something?
Heh? Plum?..... I like plums.... they are purple and they taste nice....
Although the huge seed is way too annoying
Oh and peach... I loved peach since I was young
I wonder why so many fruits are so round..... Makes me want to roll them and
play with them like a ball.......
Tangerine! I luv that too
Dont mind others Elizabeth
Just because other kids your age are drinking and smoking or having sex doesnt
mean that you should the same!
I guess children changed....... generations pass down and a big culture
shock..... and all that
Are you all that Elizabeth?
You are just you.... not because of your parents but because of yourself.....
And I always thought you were a kind person..... and that's because you're
nobody else but yourself
You've been through a lot Elizabeth
I might not fully understand but I know that you have........
I dont know how much pain you have suffered but I know that you have been
fighting and struggling inside.....
I must say that I dont really like what your signature and avatar says.....
Makes me feel sad......
And I dont like sad anymore...... I dont want to be sad... or depressed or
bitter to the world......
Elizabeth....... Elizabeth......
I can accept everything Elizabeth
I can accept how you dress, how you look, how you talk, what you do, what you
think......
But it hurts me a lot....... unbearably to know that you should hate God so
much.....
I've hated him too...... I hated him so much that I thought the same way....
That I'd rather die and go to hell than to love such a putrid God.....
But I was wrong..... I never knew who God was......
I'm sure that you dont either Elizabeth.....
I am rather glad Elizabeth......
Of course...... I wanted you to like me..... but I didnt want you to like me too
much......
After all.... we are all going to be gone one day......
You know... I still think I can give my life for you
But the only person I love more than you is God.......
I cant help it Elizabeth...... I wouldnt give you up for any human....... but I
would only give you up for God......
But.... at least while I am alive..... I dont want to let you go......
I dont want to say goodbye to you.....
I dont know how much longer you will feel that you need me but I wont leave you
for anything in the world
That's Aaron?..... I dont really like that kind of hair....
Seems all bushy and hot......
I like my hair plain and simple
Not too long or not too short........
Ba... Bo...? Somehow it sounds incredibly weird to me... Reminds me of
baboon...
Dancing...? Nnn... It's okay.... I did ballet for like 4-5 years? But I fell and
well I can still walk and dance... A bit... But my ankle doesn't work as well as
it used to so I quit....
My hair isn't originally that way.... My original hair when I never ever cut it
or anything was like... It started straight then when it reached my shoulders it
became really really really really faint waves then around my waist it started
to be slight waves then it becomes really wavy.... My hair was about.... Until
my hips...? I think.... Don't remember much.... I don't take many pictures
either.... But my hair was pretty much jet black when I was little but as I grew
older the colour became duller and paler and browner... And my hair colour
started to become more milky.... And now it's darkening again... Weird.... And
my eyes used to be like dark brown then around 5, 6 or 7 or something it became
so black you could barely see my pupils.... My grandmother considered me
"freaky"....
Nnn.... Now it's my fault I change colour...? And I was darker when I was
younger... My skin is getting paler and snowier... Ugh... I
remind myself of a ghost.... Nnn...
Why must I always hurt myself...? Because I have nothing else to do and I'm
bored.... Did that answer your question...? Nnn...
....It's easier to walk with high heels... But I usually wear boots with
stockings but yeah I guess the boots are high too.... I don't like it when I'm
near to the ground... Don't wear long skirts and stuff cause it's nearer to the
ground... I tend to wear knee high boots cause it's further away from the
ground...? I don't know.... Just don't like feeling the ground..... Much prefer
to jump off the roof and not feel ground at all until I actually hit it.... But
then I'll do that after I become a singer so yeah...
I'd kill myself when I'm 30... I seriously would... When I'm 30 I'll start
having white hair and I'll be old! NYA!
Plums... Are... Nnn... Not red..... I don't really like things that aren't black
or red.... If it's white maybe I'll let it go and gray is... Okay I guess... I
like blood oranges..... Sweet and bitter.... Just like a bitter sweet ending...
Hehe... Ysaac says I have a freaky giggle.... I guess I do... Since I only tend
to giggle when I I'm holding a knife and cutting something.... Or when I think
of something bad...
I am freaky... I know....
I have a painting of jigoku shoujo's eyes that I payed someone to paint... MY
whole wall is black.... I have rozen maiden dolls in my room...
And yeah.... Freaky things....
I hate neverland.... Nightmare... Sometimes you seem more eleven than I do.... I don't think I act really
eleven sometimes.... But I don't think I really want to commit suicide...
Scary.... Maybe I'll just hire someone to kill me instead.... It doesn't really matter anymore.... I don't really expect myself to live
that long anyway...
I don't follow whatever others do.... I do whatever is there for me to do....
Since I have a knife... Might as well use it.... If there was poison might as
well take it.... If someone hated me... Might as well hate them back... If
someone liked me... Might as well like them back.... If there's a book... Might
as well read it.... If there's a cliff.... Might as well jump.... It doesn't
matter what I do.... Just do whatever there is for me to do until that stupid
god decides to put me out of my misery.... It doesn't really matter if I have to
live forever.... Nothing really matters to me anymore.... Only singing
matters.... Nothing else.... My parents could die for all I care....
No.... I didn't suffer anything..... I just don't care..... Everything is the same for me now...
live to wake up.... wake up to live.... live to sleep.... sleep to live... live
to see tomorrow.... see tomorrow to live.... And live to die... I just have to
live today and tomorrow... The day after.... After that... After that.... And so
on until I die.... It doesn't matter....
My mother enjoys throwing knives at me when god isn't there for her.... They can
scold me for crying and saying I didn't believe in god.... It doesn't matter...
I'm never going to be number 1 to anyone.... God comes first..... God always
comes first..... But it doesn't matter anymore..... Just live and live and when
I die, if there was such thing as being reborn.... I'd just do whatever people
ask me to do and die in the end... I don't really care..... And I'm not lying.... I really don't
care.... But if I were to lose my voice..... I'd really break..... And I would
just care about everything like I used to.... I prefer not caring.... Because if
I did.... I'd break.... If I didn't lie.... I'd just crack in front of
everyone.... But like it really doesn't matter.... Nothing does.... My voice is
slowly becoming something I don't care about anymore.... I'm not going to be
best at singing.... I'd never be first in anything.... But it doesn't matter...
I just want to get life done and over with.... I might marry.... Depends....
marry than break up after a while when I feel like it..... Doesn't matter....
Don't have to love someone to marry them.... Marriage isn't for life.... All my
boyfriends last for a day or two.... They're all fragile.... They could fall if
I just looked at them with my cold eyes.... They would be gone the moment I ask
them if I was the most important to them.... They're like used up toys in the
end... Pathetic.... They all bore me to death.... My husband is probably gonna
last for a month or so..... Then he'd just get boring..... Whatever.... I
mean... Even children get boring after a year or two.... Dump them.... I don't
care.... Friends are like glass.... They'd break if I dropped them once.... But
everyone are toys.... I know... I sound like some evil bad guy that uses her
victims... Yeah I am.... The earth is the nursery room.... The skies are the
furniture..... And everyone in it.... Everything in it... Are just toys.....
That come and go.... And god is the toy maker.... He makes the toys.... For me
to break..... And the devil is the trash can... That I dump all the used up toys
into... Maybe god isn't that bad..... He just has to keep on making the toys and
as long as he gives me a toy to play with.... Nothing matters... As long as I
have a toy.... You could stab me and I wouldn't notice.... But god.... Should
make higher quality toys... because.... They all break so easily.... Oh well...
That's what the orphanage is for.... And that's what divorce is for.... And
that's what the devil is for.... None of my friends, boyfriends, family or... I
guess.... Even god.... Lasted for more than 5 months... I don't even consider
you as an unbroken toy..... You're more like my favourite toy that likes the toy
maker and soon you'd like another toy more than me.... Whatever.... Soon.... I'd
break like all toys do anyway...
I like aaron's hair TT^TT And jiro wang's hair... And wu zun's hair... And
calvin Chen's hair... TT^TT Ugguu....
Quote by vatican92
Eli-chan~!~!
I missed you soooooo much
You might not believe me but I always thought about you everyday
All I can do is always apologize......
I never betrayed you Elizabeth
You're always my number one.........
You are a lot more talented than I am Elizabeth
And a lot more diligent......
I admire you for that.......
Cant you dance with some other shoes?
I see...... So how short is your hair now?
And no piercing Elizabeth
Never ever ever ever ever
Well...... I would be glad if you didnt.....
But stop wearing high heels
I just saw a documentary on high heels and they arent good!
I see....... so do you like wearing emo punk thingymabob?
And you shouldnt do anything that bothers you either while you are walking or
taking any other motion
Well.... that's true.... but the world only gets more vile and horrible
Wow... I cant believe that you're already turning 12 this september.....
I dont remember anything...... from my sophomore year....
It feels like time goes faster and faster as I get older....
It feels like I only met you few weeks ago.......
You're already turning teenager in a year and a half TT^TT
Look more mature?....... I dont really understand why but... okay......
You shouldnt watch those kind of animes Elizabeth
Yes..... After I finished watching it I thought it was a waste of time as
well
I just watched it just to finish the series since I started watching it.....
But every single episode.... made my blood boil and I wanted to kill Makoto
every single second I was watching School Days
Good thing he died in the end.....
Well it's not only the violence Elizabeth
There are phychologic effects.... whether you find those impulsive or not
Like..... drugs....... well maybe not the best comparison but let's just skip
that one
Elizabeth.... I know it's hard to not swear.... especially these days when the
world is so corrupt and dirty.......
But please try not to..... especially when you're with younger kids.....
actually kids your age...... or under
I can swear in Chinese too.......
They always teach you swear words first
I dont really like shopping either
Umm I dont know who Aaron is but I dont think I'll do that
I just want to leave my hair plain and simple.....
I dont really care much for fashion or hair style.....
Sorry...... I dont really like flashy things or things that stand out..... at
least not on me
Oh come on Elizabeth....
It's very simple
Well then... you can say like.......
umm..... I dont know.......
But you can think God as your friend and talk freely to him....
Oh by the way..... can you listen to one of my favorite songs?
I downloaded it recently and I really like her voice......
I have another song that I want you to listen to but it seems it's not on
youtube.......
Take care Elizabeth.... I wont be online often starting tomorrow
I love you
I really do
..... .... Ba.... ka.... Stu... pid... sha... gua... How do you say
stupid in korean....?
Of course I'm more talented.... I get talents in exchange for my sanity....
Pretty much....
Sometimes I don't even dance with shoes and I get blisters...
Oww....
How short is my hair....? I guess... About shoulder length...? Now my hair style
is it starts out straight then it starts to become slight waves when it reaches
slightly below my eyes, then it becomes waves when it reaches my lips then it
becomes slight curls when it reaches my neck and when it gets to my shoulder
it's really curly... Hehe... And I have purple highlights in my hair now....
Piercings are.... Well... If I don't pierce... I stab
So I prefer pain that still makes me pretty rather than pain that just gives me
more scars than I already have....
I know high heels aren't good but I feel awkward when I wear flat shoes....
Emo punck stuff...? yeah... I guess I do.... I like mini skirts.... And
shorts... I hate anything that goes below my knee.... Like.... We don't dress to
cover... Well... Yeah we do... But Long skirts and pants look weird on me...
And I like belts... Shiny.... They match my earrings... And I like ties..... So
I can just choke myself whenever I need to.... Haha.... And I like
stockings..... I don't know why... Just do... I don't like shirts that hang
loose though..... It makes me look weird.... Anyway... Since I'm no where close
to fat and I pretty much have figure so tight things look good on me... And I
wear a lot of jewelry.... Nnn... Because I want to I guess.... Anyway.... When I
dress like that people mistaken me for a teenager since I look punk and I'm
taller now... And... Umm... It makes me happy...? Sorta....
What's with the tears....? I'm glad I'm becoming a teenager soon cause then I
get to be taller..... And don't have to be one of does kids anymore...
Though.... Everyone says I look older than 11.... I'm taller than most 11 year
olds.... And.... I dress like some suicidal freak.... For some reason makes
people think I'm older than I am.... And because I'm not plum and.... Umm....
Not as flat...? o_O I don't know.... I just don't look elevenish... If that's a
word...
I shouldn't watch does kind of animes....? Oh please..... All the 11 year olds
and up in my class watch shows that need parental guidance and it's 18+.... And
I'm pretty kidish compared to most of them.... Like.... Aiko reads perverted
mangas.... Kai and Sora kiss when the teacher's sleeping... haha... Which is so
annoying since their sitting right behind me.... Also.... Kane paints her nails
in class..... Some of the boys carved the sh word on the wall and it was carved
so the teacher had to hide it with a painting... NNnn..... Kids aren't that
angelic anymore are they...? And I'm seriously in no mood to be a goody
goody.... I'm stubborn like my parents... Suicidal like my mom.... Selfish like
my dad... Hot tempered like my mom... Cold hearted like none of them.... Harsh
like none of them..... I'm emo and punk like none of them... I like it when
people are hurt like none of them..... I take pain as a form of 'entertainment'
like none of them.... Sometimes I wonder if I even am their child.... But
there's one thing that tells me I am.... My father, mother and me lie.... I was
brought up being thought to never trust and always lie because my mother said if
I didn't everyone would hate me.... My mother only told me sad stories and she
clouded my mind with the "how to kill yourself" book because she
thought that if I heard all the cruelty in this world I would be happy of my
life but she was oh so wrong.... I was thought to never speak of my family and
always lie about it when I do.... I was told to never show my emotions and cry
or hate or love because if I did that I would be a failure.... I can't tell the
truth.... I know you ask me to not care about what others think and all that but
the fact is I can't... Lying has just because an everyday thing for me now.... I
lie oh so much I even learnt how to lie to myself and now I've just lost control
of my brain and I don't know what's real anymore....
Swearing isn't a habit for me.... I control when I swear.... I swear because I
want to.... Not because I need to or because I'm angry... i swear just because
either I swear or I take it out of someone or I try to kill myself again and
this pathetic cell I'm living in is to scared to jump so I just try my best to
make my own life a living hell so this dumb cell would give up.... Oh yeah...
Like my new avatar and sig and what it says?
I rather be a devil worshipper than ever... ever... ever talk to that damn god
who just brought me into the world for his own bitchy amusement... I am sick and
tired of being his little toy in the nursery for him to destroy in the end... I
rather kill myself than ever... ever say a god damn word to god... I am in a
really bad mood and right now I just want to jump off this cliff and say good
bye....
It's a pretty song.... Oh... Speaking of songs.... My voice and the fact that I
want to be a singer is the only thing holding me back from my suicide
attempts.... You used to be one of the reasons I'm here but then.... It's a
foolish thing to care about a human that's going to say sayonara soon
enough....
Quote by vatican92
Eli-chama~
I missed you
Sorry.......... I am really busy these days.....
I know that's not really a good excuse but...... I just was..... Sorry
Elizabeth
I'm going to be a lot more busier next year so I might barely come online
It's break for me now......
March break.... or Easter break......
How are you now Elizabeth?
I was sick for a week as well
Had a terrible cold and a slight fever
I dont know why but I still have that cold....... It's not going
away.......
I blame myself as well.......
I'd do what I could if I was there but....... I feel so useless these
days.........
You're funny Elizabeth
But you really shouldnt think about me when you're walking
Or anything else that hinders your concentration
Sneeze? I didnt think so.....
Maybe I just didnt notice but I never thought you were going to sneeze there
You do a lot of things when you're singing
Mature?.... I dont know....
You decide whether it's good or not
Elizabeth older?
TT^TT You're all grown up Elizabeth TT^TT
Now you must face the cruel world
You're still tall Elizabeth
We're only 8 inches apart......
And you still have a lot of time to grow when my growth spurt seems to have
ceased
Your physical attribute doesnt make you an adult Elizabeth....
It's what's inside you that makes you an adult
If you have a pure heart of a child even when you're old...... you're still a
child in your heart
And....... vice versa I guess.... although it's hard to think the other way
around
Hahaha no Elizabeth
We dont have that kinda money
I'm grateful that my father actually bought a new computer after our old one
crashed
Although the computer isnt that great, it's still quite suiting for me
Everybody seems to have an apple computer these days
Of course I dont understand what's so great about them
Ummmm.............
Yeah....... I pity the woman that I'll marry as well....... if I ever even get
married
Guys like shoes as well you know
Although...... not as much as girls of course
I'm interested in basketball shoes and certain tennis shoes
Although I dont really care for it as much as others
It's just nice to feed my eyes on the shiny shoes sometimes since I dont have
the money
What I'm trying to buy............ it's a secret!
I need to save about....... 3 more month without using a single penny
Then I'll be able to buy it!
And I'll be all happy for a while then I would regret buying it and using so
much money on it
Eli-chan........
Please pray for me......
My heart is troubled....... and my sanity is constantly being tested.......
I love you
YOU STUPID BOY! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT! *pulls Ju's ear* FIRST YOU
ABANDON ME NOW YOU BETRAY ME?!?!
You have strawberries for brains and mashed avocado for memories now!
BUSY?!?! BUSY?!?! I have to make a poster the size of a wall about some stupid
satellite! I have to write a poem about how to be a water bottle! I have to make
some stupid jingle for a bread! Some stupid powerpoint for a dog! And some
stupid reflection about sausage! AHHHHH! I have to write a song about some god
damn tree! I have to draw some stupid earth! I have to survey this dumb school!
I have to do a zillion stupid other things! But then again... Hey I'm a genius
without Ian as my rival now! But still! I have to write about my thoughts for a
reflection! AND RIGHT NOW I'M THINKING OF TRYING TO DANCE WITH 4 INCH
HIGH-HEELS! Oh... Reminds me.... I cut my hair.... I highlighted it purple.... I
went for more piercings and I'm tempted to pierce some other awkward part of my
body... Ooo! My belly button or my lip?! I have mastered dancing in 3 inch high
heels! Yay! And I can back flip with 3 inch high heels! Sorry I haven't been
online for a while.... Too busy dressing up like an emo and punk.... it was a
dare... I have to be emo for the rest of the year....
Don't think about anything when I'm walking....? See.... You should have told me
that earlier cause I hit the lockers while reading....
:sweat: Cruel world....? Aren't I already in it.... 2-3 years and I'll be 14...
yay... Next year I'm 13... yay.... This year I'm turning 12....
Well I just want to look more mature.... I can be mature whenever I want to.....
Just don't wanna.... Depends on my mood.... Well.... if it's how much I
know(Nnn... Not as in how much the wise man knows....
that's just old...) then I guess I'm pretty mature.... I watched a few episodes
of school days XP Though I found it pretty boring and perverted so I didn't
watch all of it.... And I watch a lot of shows that say parental guidance but
it's not much.... Just killing.... Seeing people get chopped in half or
whatever.... Not much.... Pretty boring.... Nana was boring and perverted too
but I just like Olivia's singing.... Olivia sang as Reira.... I swear more than
usual now.... Because I made up with Kane and Aiko and Aiko's still swearing a
lot... And now the swear words are stuck in my mind again.... Someone carved the
f word on the classroom wall.... I can swear in 7 languages..... I can swear in
Swedish, english, chinese, cantonese, indian, japanese and malay... I don't
think that's something to really be proud of...
But yeah... I can swear in Swedish cause I have a classmate that I use as a
personal swedish insulter so I can insult someone without letting them know what
I'm saying.... English cause my friends swear.... Chinese cause well.... My
cousins swear a lot.... Cantonese cause my grandma, uncles and aunts swear...
Indian cause a classmate of mine swears in indian all the time.... Japanese
cause I tend to listen to songs with swear words in them.... Most of the songs
with swear words are easier for me to dance to.... Malay cause my two best
friends speak malay and their always swearing at each other in malaya... I know
how to swear in some other languages too but I forgot....
I dislike shopping.... I only shop when I have to.... And when I want to.... You
should highlight your hair brown and spike it up like aaron..... Or
something....
Apple computers aren't great...
I have one and it's useless... Since most things are programed to only be
compatible to windows so I can't download them....
Right now.... praying would be the last thing I'd ever do..... Right now I feel
more like killing god than praying to god....
Quote by TreeFarieAaliyah[q(...)
Ello vatican! It's been a whild since we last spoke! Sorry I disapeared yet
again. -.-' As usual, I was busy with school. Anyways, how have you
been?
At the moment I'm freaking out with school as well
I'm........ I just dont know really
But I feel mediocrely fine...... which means...... not that great...... but
still alive
So whats up wiju?
Too caught up with life in high school?
Ugu. I hope you feel better...and freak out less...
I'm fine. I'm on vacation now, which is really good cause I was really stressed
in the last week before it. Thank god that went quick.
~Nissa~
I'll be breaking down quite often from now on......
Have a semester exam in a few weeks and starting next year...... it's gonna
be......
I dont even wanna think about it
i'm on my 3rd quarter break as well
Yah everbody needs a break about now.....
Ah...... 1 week is so short........
I'll be fine but hope you'll be as well
I probably won't break down until the first week of June--finals week. I might
get stressed around midterms and progress reports too...but yeah...those are the
main stress times...
Yes. That's definitly true. And...one week is very short. After working so
hard...some schools are cheap with their vacations.
Thanks!
~Nissa~
Thanx
Sometimes I wonder why I'm pushing myself for academic recognition.....
But then again.... we are students and dats our job
Our school rests quite a lot compared to other schools
That's why they cram all the exams and the projects together and it's quite
stressing
C ya
Hmm...I actually don't think the job of students is to be academically
recognized...but I guess a lot of students do push for that...
Lol. Yeah. My school does too...(in my opinion) And I actually think they do a
pretty good job of organizing all the midterms and finals...however, it's still
stressful. -.-'
Quote by TreeFarieAaliyah[q(...)
Ello vatican! It's been a whild since we last spoke! Sorry I disapeared yet
again. -.-' As usual, I was busy with school. Anyways, how have you
been?
At the moment I'm freaking out with school as well
I'm........ I just dont know really
But I feel mediocrely fine...... which means...... not that great...... but
still alive
So whats up wiju?
Too caught up with life in high school?
Ugu. I hope you feel better...and freak out less...
I'm fine. I'm on vacation now, which is really good cause I was really stressed
in the last week before it. Thank god that went quick.
~Nissa~
I'll be breaking down quite often from now on......
Have a semester exam in a few weeks and starting next year...... it's gonna
be......
I dont even wanna think about it
i'm on my 3rd quarter break as well
Yah everbody needs a break about now.....
Ah...... 1 week is so short........
I'll be fine but hope you'll be as well
Ugu. That's not good. Good luck.
I probably won't break down until the first week of June--finals week. I might
get stressed around midterms and progress reports too...but yeah...those are the
main stress times...
Yes. That's definitly true. And...one week is very short. After working so
hard...some schools are cheap with their vacations.
Quote by kawaiihime04yoh! i haven't
heard much from you lately. so, what's up? kinda busy?
Not
kinda busy but really busy
I'm fine....... I suppose... then again.... I'm not
How are things with you?
everything's fine with me especially now, it's our vacation, and i'm starting to
draw fanarts to be posted here- hopefully ^_^
you said you're busy so i'm really sorry for disturbing you.
well, if you don't feel fine, just post in my guestbook or chat with me. maybe i
could cheer you up- i'll try my best even to just paint a smile on your face.
^_^
Quote by TreeFarieAaliyah
Ello vatican! It's been a whild since we last spoke! Sorry I disapeared yet
again. -.-' As usual, I was busy with school. Anyways, how have you
been?
At the moment I'm freaking out with school as well
I'm........ I just dont know really
But I feel mediocrely fine...... which means...... not that great...... but
still alive
So whats up wiju?
Too caught up with life in high school?
Ugu. I hope you feel better...and freak out less...
I'm fine. I'm on vacation now, which is really good cause I was really stressed
in the last week before it. Thank god that went quick.
I posted, edited and deleted this post so many times!
More than 10! What should I say...? Umm... Most of the posts were long so I
deleted them again and again and I'll just get to the point... You don't have to
come online and you don't have to try so hard to love me... It's okay....
Woah... Short post.... This was so long at first... Okay don't wanna take up
your time! Bye! Hope you'll feel better soon ^_^
merged: 04-23-2008 ~ 06:23pm
.... I'm sure not feeling yourself is a normal thing... I never feel myself.... But the reason I don't feel myself is probably different from yours but I don't feel myself cause I lie a lot... And you can lie to yourself... Sometimes you lie so much you think it's real... I guess I tell myself after that, that it was all a lie but lies become real when you lie for a long time... God gives... And he takes ^_^ God can't be perfect... God won't be perfect... God isn't perfect... If you asked him if you should die for someone... If god said yes, it would be foolish won't it? Because if you die for someone... That person you died for is going to live in misery for the rest of his/her life... And the people who love you would be miserable, pitiful and sad... But if god said no that would be foolish too because you're being selfish to let that person die and only care about yourself... But you can't say that either... Nothing is right or wrong.. The devil isn't bad... God isn't good... I don't believe in such things... Humans were the ones who make right and wrong... Humans made time.... What's 1am and what's 3pm is made by humans... And the definition of right and wrong were made by humans too... I don't know if I'm right or wrong, we make our own right and wrong... Everyone thinks differently... There's a thing as alike but there isn't the same...
I'm making no sense! Eeek!
You're
really cute you know that? I just feel like pinching your cheeks!
Isn't scary and painful an emotion? haha!
merged: 04-29-2008 ~ 08:03pm
Anyway! The can opener agrees with me! It's a girls thing, you know the thing
that you use to open soda that metal small piece thing... That can opener
thingymebob... 
It's just the same... Trusting... Is a stupid thing to do... I don't remember
the last time I kept my guard down... Even when I'm asleep, one little sound and
I'll wake up.... Keeping your guard down is foolish... You can't trust anyone...
because everyone is lying...
Like my teacher says! "There isn't right or wrong, only differences" ^_^ So... You believe in god! And I don't
I can't tell happy from sad sometimes... In fact I seriously cannot tell the truth from a lie
yeah I guess that type of feeling of not feeling yourself and all the stuff is new to you but you'll get used to it... We're born on... Something like ice.... If you don't want the ice beneath your feet to break... Then don't put your guard down.... Never... Do something as foolish at that... Like what I love to say! "At first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence of trying and don't let them know you care" I would rather die a thousand times.... Then let the ice beneath my feet, be stained in a drop of shame... In life, everyone is your enemy...
Oh you missed me? Yeah sure! That lie is so old! I won't ever, think that you actually love me ever again... Emotions.... Are one of the heavy objects you're carrying... I've learnt to throw away my emotions one by one... Hopes.... Happiness.... Trust... Love.... They are all heavy objects that break the ice.... I will never... Ever let the ice under my feet break.... So... I don't see what's so bad about losing the ability to feel.... Weird humans...
merged: 05-13-2008 ~ 07:16pm
It's okay... You don't have to come online if you can't
Hnn... I knew I shouldn't have sent you a PM on my phone.... I forgot to check the spelling... Ugh... Well at least it was a PM then no one would think I have bad spelling!
Because I do not! It's like when you type me it become of and
of is me and uuaahhh!
Good evening.
Thank you for fav in the favorite it.
It might be good today.
Long-awaited Code Geass R2 was broadcast in Japan.
I also saw R2.
To tell the truth, it is shock.
Spoiler:
Lelouch seemed to give up the life. However, it was a lie.
Lelouch had been brainwashed to Britannic.
It was used to lure out C.C.
The development in the future is the enjoyment.
I'm still here,just that after my exams i stopped coming
when i decided to come back,finals were coming.................
well,i am here now!
won't be regular,though
now i am in 7 grade and we have the biggest class in the school
after my exams i went for a holiday with my mother to our hometown......
well,thats all
take care!
bye!
A question.... A slightly serious one.... If the devil could kill god.... He asked you wether he should kill god or me.... And he said he would let you pick who you want to live but you have to pick either god or me to get killed.... Who would you pick to die? Act like the devil can destroy god okay? :P And you can't say none or yourself or both or whatever! Have to say either go or Elizabeth..... Answer me truthfully.... I don't care if the truth hurts.... Just no more lies....
Although I'm not much of a love romance story type.... I'm actually better
with drawing, writing love stories, singing love songs, making videos about
romance(I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT! Stupid god...) I tend to like love songs because
almost all songs are love songs I guess.... NYA! I suck at making videos that
aren't supposed to be depressing! 
I BLAME YOU! A-A.... Again...? Yeah! AGAIN! Why can't you be my husband! Hmpf!
It'll be easier to make a video about you then stupid! Baka! Idiot! Sha gua!
Babo? o_O Umm... Umm.... HOW DO YOU SAY IDIOT IN SWEDISH!?!?! I knew I should
have asked for that swedish classmate of mine's phone number! AHHH! I BLAME
YOU!
Pretty insulted to be called a nurse.... Feel low to be called a maid.... And a
prostitute is just... Woah.... Ummm..... Right... 
We have another girl's school uniform but it's below my knee and it makes me
look like a goody two shoes! 
I'm already called a nerd because of my overly intelligent brain! 
That's why I never study cause the dumber I get the better XP But yet again....
The dress that makes me look like a nurse/maid/prostitute is bad too....
And..... A MAID?!?! I LOST MY DIGNITY! And... And... A NURSE?!?! I FEEL ASHAMED!
And... Most of all.... A... A PROSTITUTE!?!?! AHHH! I think being called
perverted would be better.... 
Ugh.... My dignity just went down the drain.... So.... Ju-chan... Should I wear
the dress that makes me look like a maid/nurse/prostitue(Hah! This reminds me of
the perverted anime shows where the maid and nurses always attract perverted
guys like you idiot) or should I wear the blouse and skirt that makes me look
like a goody two shoes?
Oooo! AND! ^_^ I finished recording Aozora! I'm starting to make the video for your birthday now! ^_^ Though.... I have to say...
Oh! Yes ^_^ By the way... could you listen to this song that I like? ^_^ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQVf1OpFL4
Okay fine! Maybe I kinda just like the video then I liked the song! But hey! Can't blame me for liking love stories! Nya! I'm a GIRL aren't I? XP That's what girls do! Hehe! I started dating when I was 7! Hehe! What do you expect! Nya! But all the ex boyfriends are boring! KYAA! I FELL ON MY HEAD TODAY! I BLAME YOU! Hmpf! I don't love you anymore!(That's what I always say when I don't get it my way! Nya! I'm 11!) Juchanjuchan! YOU KNOW! I have to sing in this stupid church choir for the school! Nya! But since I get to have solo parts! SURE! I have to sing some song called "I vow to thee my country" or something for praying at the church for the people who died at war or some stupid god stuff.... Then I have to sing solo parts for some weird old song called "Where have all the flowers god" yep! I think that's it! Got a concert at the end of the year! ^_^ I'm going to do dancing and singing.... What should I dance to? And don't give me something like a stupid song called "All hale god" or whatever cause like I'm dancing hip hop or whatever you call it! It's all the SAME! You know... I looked at the mirror today and..... I so... so... so do not look 11..... I have 4 piercing in each year! I have purple highlights in my hair! I dress like... Like.... Well.... To put it in a good way.... I guess I kinda dress like some punk kid.... Hnn.... Whatever.... You know.... Everyone said that my school uniform looks like a nurse, a maid... Or a prostitute...
True ^^ But every time I tried it sucked :P
ooh... cainta. tch, so far, i can't go there...
i thought you live in there because most of the korean tourists who decided to stay here stays there
i haven't been there, i'm envious, joke!
it's really okay to copy, we're just beginners ^_^
it doesn't matter if it's your original or not. what matters most for me is you did your best to do it ^_^
Oh... You love me now is it...?
Why don't you run to god and be friends with him then...? I
don't know... Marry god's daughter..... Pity.... I nearly could have died
today.... Climbed onto the school roof and I was going to slide down and fall
but a teacher saw me before I did it and I got a stupid lecture about bla bla
bla and he asked me a bunch of stupid questions that make me want to get out of
this stupid human world even earlier.... If I could say two words to god I would
say "You've won" Because he really did..... He won.... He managed to
make my life a living hell.... I hope he's happy... And.... If you go on god's
side and not mine.... I promise from the bottom of my heart... I swear... I'll
definitely... Absolutely.... Kill myself in two seconds flat.... Or if I'm lucky
I could just cut my throat and die in about... A second or so? I hate myself for
liking you so much.... Ironic.... You were supposed to make me happier.... But
hey.... I'd say the same words to you too.. "You've won" Now I
know.... That I will never be number one to anyone.... Never was.... You might
say that no one can be perfect.... God is much more kinder then me I know.....
he so called sacrificed his so called child for humans and I'm so selfish that I
don't die for my people.... But if you think about it.... I am dying to make
this world a better place.... To make this cell I'm locked up in go away so that
everyone can rejoice because the god hater is gone..... God may have felt a lot
of pain... He may have done this and that.... But look at him now... He's so
great..... He's so great that my mother can call me hell's child for saying god
wasn't real.... He's won by a long shot.... No matter how hard I try.... I will
never be first to you right...? Even if I died a hundred times.... Even if I
lived my hellish life over and over again.... I can never ever come first to you
right...? I can never be even close to how much you love god.... But I thank
you.... Because I've won this cell.... I broke through her stupid smile and this
cell and breaking apart bit.... by bit... Don't say "I can never make you
happy" or "No mortal can ever surpass god" "God has always
been there for you you've just not noticed" But.... Ju-chan... You know
when you get cut? The first cut hurts... The second hurts more.... The third one
becomes numb... The fourth cut starts to feel like just an ant bite.... The
fifth one starts to feel like nothing... And the sixth one and more just feels
so normal.... Like an everyday thing....Lilwolfmaiden and I.... I'm sure... That
if you took our place in life.... Even if I'm just a small girl and you claim
that teenage life is cruel.... I promise you... That if you took our place.....
You'd hate god in 1 minute.... "I hate you" "You're a
mistake" "Don't you dare tell them the truth" "Why am I your
mother?! If only! If only you weren't here!" "I hate you!"
"Go to hell!" "Please just leave me alone" "You disgust
me" "Your sister could have done way more better "It's all your
fault" We've heard those words... So many times that it doesn't hurt so
much anymore..... Ju-chan..... For me to even.... Not hate god.... is...... Like
you asking me to go back in time..... I'm sorry but.... I think.... I ran out of
masks..... If I smiled one more time..... I'm going to crack.... I'm just taking
my sadness out on you.... Sorry.... It's not your fault really.... It's not
god's fault either.... Everyone takes me as the happy girl that never cries.....
But.... I can't take it anymore... Sorry... Gotta stop here! ^_^ Talk to you
anymore and I think I'm gonna flood the house! I've almost covered the whole
keyboard with my tears so not surprised if I cause a flood! 
Yes, true.
Oh that sucks... My school's really organized then...on final's week, there's no classes and there's two tests per day (Mon through Fri). It's organized by subject and they assign which classes take it where (in the dining hall or the indoor tennis courts--losts of space).
I'm so tired right now. -.-' *yawns* It's not even late...-.-'
WHAT?!?!? you live here? you ARE here? where? manila? subic?
hm.. about your works, it's okay if you copy it, i mean, everyone who wants to draw starts from copying *including tracing*. i too started from that, unfortunately, until now i'm still copying and my works did not improve a bitT_T. sigh... will i ever learn? LOL
just do it and have fun
Hi Vatican! Just spamming your guestbook to wish you happy holidays ^^ I hope you'll have a good time.
Don't eat too many chocolate, okay?
Well, see ya around~
Ba... Bo...?
Somehow it sounds incredibly weird to me... Reminds me of
baboon... 
Nnn.... Now it's my fault I change colour...? And I was darker when I was
younger... My skin is getting paler and snowier... Ugh... 
I
remind myself of a ghost.... Nnn...
I am freaky... I know.... 
I have a painting of jigoku shoujo's eyes that I payed someone to paint... MY
whole wall is black.... I have rozen maiden dolls in my room... 
And yeah.... Freaky things.... 
Sometimes you seem more eleven than I do.... I don't think I act really
eleven sometimes.... But I don't think I really want to commit suicide...
Scary.... Maybe I'll just hire someone to kill me instead.... 
It doesn't really matter anymore.... I don't really expect myself to live
that long anyway...
I just don't care..... Everything is the same for me now...
live to wake up.... wake up to live.... live to sleep.... sleep to live... live
to see tomorrow.... see tomorrow to live.... And live to die... I just have to
live today and tomorrow... The day after.... After that... After that.... And so
on until I die.... It doesn't matter.... 
I don't really care..... And I'm not lying.... I really don't
care.... But if I were to lose my voice..... I'd really break..... And I would
just care about everything like I used to.... I prefer not caring.... Because if
I did.... I'd break.... If I didn't lie.... I'd just crack in front of
everyone.... But like it really doesn't matter.... Nothing does.... My voice is
slowly becoming something I don't care about anymore.... I'm not going to be
best at singing.... I'd never be first in anything.... But it doesn't matter...
I just want to get life done and over with.... I might marry.... Depends....
marry than break up after a while when I feel like it..... Doesn't matter....
Don't have to love someone to marry them.... Marriage isn't for life.... All my
boyfriends last for a day or two.... They're all fragile.... They could fall if
I just looked at them with my cold eyes.... They would be gone the moment I ask
them if I was the most important to them.... They're like used up toys in the
end... Pathetic.... They all bore me to death.... My husband is probably gonna
last for a month or so..... Then he'd just get boring..... Whatever.... I
mean... Even children get boring after a year or two.... Dump them.... I don't
care.... Friends are like glass.... They'd break if I dropped them once.... But
everyone are toys.... I know... I sound like some evil bad guy that uses her
victims... Yeah I am.... The earth is the nursery room.... The skies are the
furniture..... And everyone in it.... Everything in it... Are just toys.....
That come and go.... And god is the toy maker.... He makes the toys.... For me
to break..... And the devil is the trash can... That I dump all the used up toys
into... Maybe god isn't that bad..... He just has to keep on making the toys and
as long as he gives me a toy to play with.... Nothing matters... As long as I
have a toy.... You could stab me and I wouldn't notice.... But god.... Should
make higher quality toys... because.... They all break so easily.... Oh well...
That's what the orphanage is for.... And that's what divorce is for.... And
that's what the devil is for.... None of my friends, boyfriends, family or... I
guess.... Even god.... Lasted for more than 5 months... I don't even consider
you as an unbroken toy..... You're more like my favourite toy that likes the toy
maker and soon you'd like another toy more than me.... Whatever.... Soon.... I'd
break like all toys do anyway...
Dancing...? Nnn... It's okay.... I did ballet for like 4-5 years? But I fell and well I can still walk and dance... A bit... But my ankle doesn't work as well as it used to so I quit....
My hair isn't originally that way.... My original hair when I never ever cut it or anything was like... It started straight then when it reached my shoulders it became really really really really faint waves then around my waist it started to be slight waves then it becomes really wavy.... My hair was about.... Until my hips...? I think.... Don't remember much.... I don't take many pictures either.... But my hair was pretty much jet black when I was little but as I grew older the colour became duller and paler and browner... And my hair colour started to become more milky.... And now it's darkening again... Weird.... And my eyes used to be like dark brown then around 5, 6 or 7 or something it became so black you could barely see my pupils.... My grandmother considered me "freaky"....
Why must I always hurt myself...? Because I have nothing else to do and I'm bored.... Did that answer your question...? Nnn...
....It's easier to walk with high heels... But I usually wear boots with stockings but yeah I guess the boots are high too.... I don't like it when I'm near to the ground... Don't wear long skirts and stuff cause it's nearer to the ground... I tend to wear knee high boots cause it's further away from the ground...? I don't know.... Just don't like feeling the ground..... Much prefer to jump off the roof and not feel ground at all until I actually hit it.... But then I'll do that after I become a singer so yeah...
I'd kill myself when I'm 30... I seriously would... When I'm 30 I'll start having white hair and I'll be old! NYA!
Plums... Are... Nnn... Not red..... I don't really like things that aren't black or red.... If it's white maybe I'll let it go and gray is... Okay I guess... I like blood oranges..... Sweet and bitter.... Just like a bitter sweet ending... Hehe... Ysaac says I have a freaky giggle.... I guess I do... Since I only tend to giggle when I I'm holding a knife and cutting something.... Or when I think of something bad...
I hate neverland.... Nightmare...
I don't follow whatever others do.... I do whatever is there for me to do.... Since I have a knife... Might as well use it.... If there was poison might as well take it.... If someone hated me... Might as well hate them back... If someone liked me... Might as well like them back.... If there's a book... Might as well read it.... If there's a cliff.... Might as well jump.... It doesn't matter what I do.... Just do whatever there is for me to do until that stupid god decides to put me out of my misery.... It doesn't really matter if I have to live forever.... Nothing really matters to me anymore.... Only singing matters.... Nothing else.... My parents could die for all I care....
No.... I didn't suffer anything.....
My mother enjoys throwing knives at me when god isn't there for her.... They can scold me for crying and saying I didn't believe in god.... It doesn't matter... I'm never going to be number 1 to anyone.... God comes first..... God always comes first..... But it doesn't matter anymore..... Just live and live and when I die, if there was such thing as being reborn.... I'd just do whatever people ask me to do and die in the end...
I like aaron's hair TT^TT And jiro wang's hair... And wu zun's hair... And calvin Chen's hair... TT^TT Ugguu....
hm.. that left me with no other choice but to go to Korea myself.. sgh, how i wish i could
i don't have a passport yet
you really have to draw more. your works are not as bad as mine, i saw i in your gallery
.....
.... Ba.... ka.... Stu... pid... sha... gua... How do you say
stupid in korean....? 
Pretty much....
Oww....
So I prefer pain that still makes me pretty rather than pain that just gives me
more scars than I already have....
And I like belts... Shiny.... They match my earrings... And I like ties..... So
I can just choke myself whenever I need to.... Haha.... And I like
stockings..... I don't know why... Just do... I don't like shirts that hang
loose though..... It makes me look weird.... Anyway... Since I'm no where close
to fat and I pretty much have figure so tight things look good on me... And I
wear a lot of jewelry.... Nnn... Because I want to I guess.... Anyway.... When I
dress like that people mistaken me for a teenager since I look punk and I'm
taller now... And... Umm... It makes me happy...? Sorta....
Of course I'm more talented.... I get talents in exchange for my sanity....
Sometimes I don't even dance with shoes and I get blisters...
How short is my hair....? I guess... About shoulder length...? Now my hair style is it starts out straight then it starts to become slight waves when it reaches slightly below my eyes, then it becomes waves when it reaches my lips then it becomes slight curls when it reaches my neck and when it gets to my shoulder it's really curly... Hehe... And I have purple highlights in my hair now....
Piercings are.... Well... If I don't pierce... I stab
I know high heels aren't good but I feel awkward when I wear flat shoes....
Emo punck stuff...? yeah... I guess I do.... I like mini skirts.... And shorts... I hate anything that goes below my knee.... Like.... We don't dress to cover... Well... Yeah we do... But Long skirts and pants look weird on me...
What's with the tears....? I'm glad I'm becoming a teenager soon cause then I get to be taller..... And don't have to be one of does kids anymore... Though.... Everyone says I look older than 11.... I'm taller than most 11 year olds.... And.... I dress like some suicidal freak.... For some reason makes people think I'm older than I am.... And because I'm not plum and.... Umm.... Not as flat...? o_O I don't know.... I just don't look elevenish... If that's a word...
I shouldn't watch does kind of animes....? Oh please..... All the 11 year olds and up in my class watch shows that need parental guidance and it's 18+.... And I'm pretty kidish compared to most of them.... Like.... Aiko reads perverted mangas.... Kai and Sora kiss when the teacher's sleeping... haha... Which is so annoying since their sitting right behind me.... Also.... Kane paints her nails in class..... Some of the boys carved the sh word on the wall and it was carved so the teacher had to hide it with a painting... NNnn..... Kids aren't that angelic anymore are they...? And I'm seriously in no mood to be a goody goody.... I'm stubborn like my parents... Suicidal like my mom.... Selfish like my dad... Hot tempered like my mom... Cold hearted like none of them.... Harsh like none of them..... I'm emo and punk like none of them... I like it when people are hurt like none of them..... I take pain as a form of 'entertainment' like none of them.... Sometimes I wonder if I even am their child.... But there's one thing that tells me I am.... My father, mother and me lie.... I was brought up being thought to never trust and always lie because my mother said if I didn't everyone would hate me.... My mother only told me sad stories and she clouded my mind with the "how to kill yourself" book because she thought that if I heard all the cruelty in this world I would be happy of my life but she was oh so wrong.... I was thought to never speak of my family and always lie about it when I do.... I was told to never show my emotions and cry or hate or love because if I did that I would be a failure.... I can't tell the truth.... I know you ask me to not care about what others think and all that but the fact is I can't... Lying has just because an everyday thing for me now.... I lie oh so much I even learnt how to lie to myself and now I've just lost control of my brain and I don't know what's real anymore....
Swearing isn't a habit for me.... I control when I swear.... I swear because I want to.... Not because I need to or because I'm angry... i swear just because either I swear or I take it out of someone or I try to kill myself again and this pathetic cell I'm living in is to scared to jump so I just try my best to make my own life a living hell so this dumb cell would give up.... Oh yeah... Like my new avatar and sig and what it says?
I rather be a devil worshipper than ever... ever... ever talk to that damn god who just brought me into the world for his own bitchy amusement... I am sick and tired of being his little toy in the nursery for him to destroy in the end... I rather kill myself than ever... ever say a god damn word to god... I am in a really bad mood and right now I just want to jump off this cliff and say good bye....
It's a pretty song.... Oh... Speaking of songs.... My voice and the fact that I want to be a singer is the only thing holding me back from my suicide attempts.... You used to be one of the reasons I'm here but then.... It's a foolish thing to care about a human that's going to say sayonara soon enough....
merged: 03-20-2008 ~ 08:53pm
Oh yeah... By the way... If you wanna know who's aaron... Here's a picture of him http://p-images.veoh.com/image.out?imageId=user-ArronYanROCKS17.jpg&version=4
hey there little vatican sama....:)
how are you?
YOU STUPID BOY! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT! *pulls Ju's ear* FIRST YOU ABANDON ME NOW YOU BETRAY ME?!?!
that's just old...) then I guess I'm pretty mature.... I watched a few episodes
of school days XP Though I found it pretty boring and perverted so I didn't
watch all of it.... And I watch a lot of shows that say parental guidance but
it's not much.... Just killing.... Seeing people get chopped in half or
whatever.... Not much.... Pretty boring.... Nana was boring and perverted too
but I just like Olivia's singing.... Olivia sang as Reira.... I swear more than
usual now.... Because I made up with Kane and Aiko and Aiko's still swearing a
lot... And now the swear words are stuck in my mind again.... Someone carved the
f word on the classroom wall.... I can swear in 7 languages..... I can swear in
Swedish, english, chinese, cantonese, indian, japanese and malay... I don't
think that's something to really be proud of... 
But yeah... I can swear in Swedish cause I have a classmate that I use as a
personal swedish insulter so I can insult someone without letting them know what
I'm saying.... English cause my friends swear.... Chinese cause well.... My
cousins swear a lot.... Cantonese cause my grandma, uncles and aunts swear...
Indian cause a classmate of mine swears in indian all the time.... Japanese
cause I tend to listen to songs with swear words in them.... Most of the songs
with swear words are easier for me to dance to.... Malay cause my two best
friends speak malay and their always swearing at each other in malaya... I know
how to swear in some other languages too but I forgot....
I have one and it's useless... Since most things are programed to only be
compatible to windows so I can't download them....
You have strawberries for brains and mashed avocado for memories now!
BUSY?!?! BUSY?!?! I have to make a poster the size of a wall about some stupid satellite! I have to write a poem about how to be a water bottle! I have to make some stupid jingle for a bread! Some stupid powerpoint for a dog! And some stupid reflection about sausage! AHHHHH! I have to write a song about some god damn tree! I have to draw some stupid earth! I have to survey this dumb school! I have to do a zillion stupid other things! But then again... Hey I'm a genius without Ian as my rival now! But still! I have to write about my thoughts for a reflection! AND RIGHT NOW I'M THINKING OF TRYING TO DANCE WITH 4 INCH HIGH-HEELS! Oh... Reminds me.... I cut my hair.... I highlighted it purple.... I went for more piercings and I'm tempted to pierce some other awkward part of my body... Ooo! My belly button or my lip?! I have mastered dancing in 3 inch high heels! Yay! And I can back flip with 3 inch high heels! Sorry I haven't been online for a while.... Too busy dressing up like an emo and punk.... it was a dare... I have to be emo for the rest of the year....
Don't think about anything when I'm walking....? See.... You should have told me that earlier cause I hit the lockers while reading....
:sweat: Cruel world....? Aren't I already in it.... 2-3 years and I'll be 14... yay... Next year I'm 13... yay.... This year I'm turning 12....
Well I just want to look more mature.... I can be mature whenever I want to..... Just don't wanna.... Depends on my mood.... Well.... if it's how much I know(Nnn... Not as in how much the wise man knows....
I dislike shopping.... I only shop when I have to.... And when I want to.... You should highlight your hair brown and spike it up like aaron..... Or something....
Apple computers aren't great...
Right now.... praying would be the last thing I'd ever do..... Right now I feel more like killing god than praying to god....
*clears throat* if your friends wouldn't want to, then i'd love it if you'll show it to me
Ugu. I hope you feel better...and freak out less...
I'm fine. I'm on vacation now, which is really good cause I was really stressed in the last week before it. Thank god that went quick.
~Nissa~
I'll be breaking down quite often from now on......
Have a semester exam in a few weeks and starting next year...... it's gonna be......
I dont even wanna think about it
i'm on my 3rd quarter break as well
Yah everbody needs a break about now.....
Ah...... 1 week is so short........
I'll be fine but hope you'll be as well
merged: 03-17-2008 ~ 04:34pm
Thanx
Sometimes I wonder why I'm pushing myself for academic recognition.....
But then again.... we are students and dats our job
Our school rests quite a lot compared to other schools
That's why they cram all the exams and the projects together and it's quite stressing
C ya
Hmm...I actually don't think the job of students is to be academically recognized...but I guess a lot of students do push for that...
Lol. Yeah. My school does too...(in my opinion) And I actually think they do a pretty good job of organizing all the midterms and finals...however, it's still stressful. -.-'
Ja ne!
~Nissa~
Ugu. I hope you feel better...and freak out less...
I'm fine. I'm on vacation now, which is really good cause I was really stressed in the last week before it. Thank god that went quick.
~Nissa~
I'll be breaking down quite often from now on......
Have a semester exam in a few weeks and starting next year...... it's gonna be......
I dont even wanna think about it
i'm on my 3rd quarter break as well
Yah everbody needs a break about now.....
Ah...... 1 week is so short........
I'll be fine but hope you'll be as well
Ugu. That's not good. Good luck.
I probably won't break down until the first week of June--finals week. I might get stressed around midterms and progress reports too...but yeah...those are the main stress times...
Yes. That's definitly true. And...one week is very short. After working so hard...some schools are cheap with their vacations.
Thanks!
~Nissa~
everything's fine with me especially now, it's our vacation, and i'm starting to draw fanarts to be posted here- hopefully ^_^
you said you're busy so i'm really sorry for disturbing you.
well, if you don't feel fine, just post in my guestbook or chat with me. maybe i could cheer you up- i'll try my best even to just paint a smile on your face. ^_^
Ugu. I hope you feel better...and freak out less...
I'm fine. I'm on vacation now, which is really good cause I was really stressed in the last week before it. Thank god that went quick.
~Nissa~
Thank you for the Favorite